give me sunshine

I’m back. Mahigit isang linggo din ako nanahimik at namahinga sa mundo ng pagba-blog. Ang gulo kasi ng isip ko. Minsan nga nagdududa pa ako kung may makikita pa bang utak sa pagitan ng aking mga tenga. Sa mga oras na ganito ko inaalala ang isang sikat na linya sa pelikula, “it’s like the wind. I can’t see it, but I can feel it.” O diba? Ayos!

Bago ako magkuwento ng mga bagay-bagay, meron lamang akong gustong linawin. Hindi ako emo, hindi patapon ang buhay ko(atleast not totally) at wala akong suicidal tendencies. Nagkataon lang na nang magsimula akong mag-blog ay tapat naman sa bahagi ng buhay ko na pinaka-masalimuot(di ako emo, pramis!). at dahil jan, scrap ko muna ang usual na “I hate the world” posts. Instead, this entry would focus more on the brighter side of things. The positive in the negative.

Negative:

Nasanay kami ng ate ko na steady lang sa bahay. We got too comfortable na di namin napansin na nagmumukha na palang palengke ang bahay. Sa lahat pa naman ng ayaw ni mama ay iyong maruming bahay kaya ayun, napagalitan(understatement) kami. Para kaming mga batang paslit na nahuling nangungupit.

Positive:

Spotless na po ang bahay namin, lalo na ang kusina na pinagmulan ng outburst ni mama. Kahit si mickeymouse ay mahihiyang tumambay dun eh. Wag ka lang titingin sa kuwarto ko, ibang usapan na yun.

Negative:

Last week, nag-away kami ni kuya. It was a pretty stupid fight from two emotionally wrecked people. Stressed si kuya sa board exams at ako naman, emotionally disturbed. Eh itong si kuya ay makulit at gustong mag-usisa at ako naman ay ayaw magsabi ng details kasi ako yung klase ng tao na hindi magsasalita kung talagang ayaw. Ayun, minura ako. I felt it was uncalled for kaya uminit din ulo ko.

Positive:

Naintindihan ni kuya na hindi lahat ng bagay ay naayon sakanya. Importanteng malaman ng isang tao kung kelan dapat at hindi dapat maki-alam sa buhay ng isang tao. Expectator lang ang papel natin sa circus na buhay ng bawat isa at hindi tayo ang magdedesisyon kung kailan nila gustong tumawid sa alambre at baka ma-kain pa sila ng leon.

Negative:

I was devastated nang malaman ko ang mga epekto ng bagyo sa iba’t ibang parte ng bansa. Marami ang namatay at maraming nasirang mga kabahayan at kabuhayan. Ang iba pa nga ay hindi pa nahahanap. My sympathy, prayers and condolences goes to the victims of this tragic incident.

Positive:

Kung meron man magandang naidulot ang sakunang ito, iyon ay ang pagkakaisa ng bawat Pilipino sa panahong ito. Ramdam natin ang suporta ng gobiyerno, kilalang personalidad, at kahit ang mga simpleng mamayan. Kahit nga ang mga pa-cute na mga presidentiables ay umeepal na. well, wala naman tayo sa posisyon para tumanggi sa tulong kaya salamat na rin.

Negative:

Heto na ang pinaka-asar sa lahat. Sa bawat makakakita sa akin ngayon, halos isa lang ang sinasabi nila, “papayat ka na, tumataba ka na eh, pero guwapo pa rin.” Ano yun, paconsuelo? Hay, sino ba kasi ang nagpa-uso ng mga skinny jeans na yan at mga hapit na t-shirts? At sino rin ba ang nagsabi na pag-payat ka eh mas maayos kang tignan? Hindi lahat ng payat ay masaya at hindi lahat ng “healthy” ay nagaambisyong pumayat! Basta ang importante, gusto mo ang sarili mo. Be comfortable in your own skin. Pero dahil masikip na mga pantalon ko, babawas na ako ng timbang. Babay muna sa jollibee!

Positive:

Atleast, kahit nilalait na mataba, pogi pa rin! Wahaha. Masaklap naman kung mataba ka na nga, pangit ka pa. haha. Biro lang. meron pa namang inner beauty, don’t worry.

O hayan ah. Siguro naman bawi na ako sa mahigit isang linggo kong pagiging missing in action. Salamat sa muling pakikinig sa akin mga parekoy. Isang linggo na lang, di na ako bata. Haha.

observe and report

masiyado akong nawili sa pagbabasa ng ibang blogs kaya di ko napansin na isang linggo na palang walang bago sa blog ko. nakakalibang naman kasi. iba't-iba ang style ng mga bloggero para ma-hook ang mga mambabasa nila. merong maangas na style, merong nakakatawa, meron din naman gumamit ng mga stick pigures at sangkatutak na litrato. dahil jan, napag-isipan kong gumawa ng listahan ng mga cute, fresh, or bulok na mga istyle sa mundo ng blogosphere. walang mapipikon ah. just remember, "bato-bato sa langit, ang tamaan, sorry!" haha

1. kapag may bagong post ang isang bloggero, asahan mo na maglilibot na yan sa sandamakmak na blogs para mag-promote. magko-komento sa entries at magsusulat sa chatbox ng "i smiled at you, please smile back" (uuuy, nakarelate:P). daig pa si john lloyd sa pagpromote ng pelikula. at dahil may bago akong entry, abangan niyo na ako sa mga blogs niyo. for details and schedule, log on to www.borednightcrawler.blogspot.com or see posters and print ads for details.


2. wala na talagang libre ngayon, kahit dito sa mundo ng blog. kahit nga ang pagpapa-link ngayon ay exchange deal ang kalakaran. "i'll link u if u link me!" o ha! wais!

3. kapag walang pumapansin sayo, mang-away ka ng sikat na blogger. wag mong tigilan hanggang mabanas at mag-post siya sa sarili niyang blog ng pagka-irita sayo. instant exposure yan. humanda ka nga lang sa hate mails na darating sayo. good publicity or bad publicity is still publicity, ika nga sa showbiz.

4. sex sells. mag-post ka ng kahit ano basta may picture ng babaeng naka two-piece at nakataas ang kili-kili, tiyak na patok yan. am i right or are u wrong?

5. sa bandang huli, kahit anong pakulo o pa-cute na style ang gamitin mo, it all boils down to content. nakapag-pangiti ka ba ng sumilip sa blog mo? nakapag-palaganap ka ba ng kamulatan sa mga taong naguguluhan? nakapagpa-libog(excuse the term) ka ba sa mga tagong manyak? o nakapag-bahagi ka ba ng sarili mo sa iyong publiko? i guess what i'm trying to say is serve your purpose. kung entertainment blog ka, be updated sa bagong music, movie, at chismis. kung inspirational blog ang meron ka, preach what you practice. kung maka-mundong blog ang trip mo, keep it dirty man! at kung personal na blog ang sa'yo, eh di ibuyanyang mo na lahat! wahaha. at dahil personal na blog ang akin, i'll give you something personal... lapit na bday ko :P

soldier down

i smile...

so you won't ask.
for your sanity and my convenience

i laugh...
so you won't hear the shouting inside me.
for your comfort and my state of mind

i stand...
so nobody would notice my fall.
for your peace and my dignity

i am a soldier.
i fight. i live. i serve.
that's the best that you know...

because a soldier never reveals his weakness
he will never show his wounds
you can keep guessing
but a soldier never tells,
and that will be as far as you'll ever know.

samu't saring peace

nagising ako kahapon sa isang nakakagimbal na tanawin. may itsy bitsy spider sa may bandang ilong ko. teka, alam kong mahilig ako sa hayop pero wag naman ganun. i love animals but i don't love them creeping on my face. sign ba to Bro? dininig mo nanaman panalangin ni mama na linisin ko kuwarto ko no? payn! nga pala, di ko sinasadya ang nangyari kay spidey ah. ginulat mo ako eh. peace tayo!

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iba ang style ko sa pagbati ng hapibertday. kung ang iba, hinihinatay na eksaktong alas dose ng madaling araw ng bertday ng binabati para magtxt, ako, hinihintay kong mag 11:59 pm para bumati... yun bang ako yung huling babati sa kanya sa araw na yun. kaso, naka-idlip ako kanina. naku, naku, naku. xempre, nagtxt ako nagyon na lang para magpalusot. hehe. problema nga lang, siguradong katakut-takot na pangongonsensiya at tiyak na butas ang wallet ko nito pag nagkita kami. para sa iyo, peace na tayo ah? at para sa wallet ko, rest in peace T_T

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nagulat ako pagkabukas ko ng profile ko kanina. sigurado ako. wala pang 250 ang page views ko bago naka-idlip kanina. pagkagising ko, mahigit 11,000 na ang naka-silip na ng blog ko. WoW! siyempre natuwa ako. kaso... si God naman, di man lang pinatagal. pagka-open ko kasi ng e-mail ko, sh*t! may message galing daw sa isang vietnamese couple. pinapa-explain sa akin yung post ko na VIETNAM ang title. di kasi nila maintindihan saka bakit daw ganun yung sign? nagpadala na ako ng eksplenasyon ko sa kanila. pero para sa mga na-offend pang iba at sa mga makakabasa pa nito, uulitin ko ang aking mensahe (in English para maintindihan ng lahat):

i understand that the internet is widely used by millions of people from around the world. and yes, i understand the impact it has on its readers. i didn't mean, in any way, to upset anyone especially people from a country as beautiful as vietnam. the context to which it was used was nothing derogatory nor was it used to insult the beautiful country and it's people. the post pertains to life's frustrations and i guess, wrong use of words. again, i apologize. having said that, i would continue my blog, my writing, and treat this as a lesson learned.

di ko gagawing excuse ang pagiging bagito ko sa mundo ng pagba-blog. pag naka-sakit ka ng tao, kahit pa di sinasadya, dapat humingi ng tawad.
kaya para sa'yo, sa kanya, at sa kanila, peace!
i tenk u. bow.

ps. ginawan ko na ng remedyo yung post ko :)

BIETNAM!!!

sa mga pans at mahilig makinig ng radyo, malamang ay alam niyo na ito. BIETNAM

sa mga nabu-buwisit sa buhay, sa kapit-bahay na maingay, sa kaibigang may mabahong hininga, sa nakatabing passenger sa mrt na ayaw umaming umutot kahit nadinig mo, sa asong tahol ng tahol, BIETNAM!

sa nangholdap kay nanay, sa kalaguyo ni tatay, sa tsismosang yaya at sa drayber-loverboy niya, sa mandarayang tindera at sa landlady na bungangera, malutong na BIETNAM!

sa pulis na bundat, kay mayor na corrupt, sa masungit na waiter at kunsintidor na manager, sa sinehang sira ang aircon at may malagkit na floor, BIETNAM kayong lahat!

sa mang-aagaw ng parking space, sa kaklaseng sipsip kay sir, sa nagpakalat ng sexvideos at sa mga pulitikong sobrang magpa-pogi, tumino kayo ah... BIETNAM!

sa mga hindi na makapag-timpi, sa gusto ng magmura, isigaw niyo.. wag lang gagamit ng badwords. maki-BIETNAM na...

changes... they happen

i probably am the worst person to write about change... i don't like change. in fact, i despise it! but the more that i try to keep things the same, the more that they don't.

i was a daddy's boy when i was a kid. since my parents got separated, i always look forward to the one friday that i get to spend time with my dad. we went to movies, arcade, and i'm pretty sure he taught me how to shoot a sniper at one point. he would drive me back home and give me 100 pesos. i didn't know what it was for, but i kept it anyway. i didn't spend it. besides, i get double of that amount as my allowance for a day during that time. as the years went by, i see less of him. i didn't mind, i got busy with school. until he bumped my stepdad's car with his jeep and never showed up again. that was five years ago. i don't know where he is or what the hell he's up to... but i saw him two years ago. he didn't look good, he was thin. it was awkward. i didn't care, things change. i was a daddy's boy then, i'm a momma's boy now.

i had a bestfriend in highschool. we were inseparable. we're like brothers. his mom would joke that i'm her 4th son cause i spend so much time in their home. graduation came and we were headed to different colleges. we were sad, but not too much. we said we'd stay in touch and everything will stay the same. but as i said, things change. he got busy, and i got my own thing goin on. we weren't in highschool. i didn't spend my afterschools in their home. in short, we're not bestfriends anymore. i doubt if we'd count as friends right now. we're practically strangers.

I've always been the good boy, the one likely to follow rules. i hate disappointing my parents, my friends. much is expected from me and i always liked the feeling of bringing home honor and pride. everybody liked me, until i decided to join a fraternity. my parents found out and suddenly, i'm the problem child. just like that, the illusion of me being a good boy was gone. eventually, i quit the fraternity for everyone's peace of mind(except for myself). but no matter what i do, i can't undo what i did. suddenly, i'm not everyone's pride anymore. i'm not mr. good guy anymore. i'm just... a guy. things change. I hate it.

but as much as we hate them, they won't go away. they happen. we don't have to like them, but we have to learn to co-exist.

my dad and i are still not talking but if given a chance, i would love to catch up with him. I've made my peace.. and it's about time i shared it with him.
i recently talked to my highschool bestfriend. it wasn't as close as our discussions before but it's a start.
i'm starting to like who i am now. it's not perfect. definitely not close to who i was before, but i found a way to be ok with it... acceptance.

i don't know why i'm exposing too much of myself in here when i couldn't even do it with people i'm close with, sometimes not even with myself. maybe it's lack of sleep, or binge eating. or maybe, just maybe, it's the one change i'm starting to like. yikes!

mr. night crawler's first

i remember telling myself that the only time that i'll be writing my own blog is when i get so bored, i'd want to strangle myself with my phone's charger. since i can't find my charger, i thought i'd start the blog instead.

random things about me:

1. I'm not inspiring at all. If anything, i am a bit on the rough edge. hindi lang halata 'cause i have a unique way of carrying myself. so if that's what you're looking for, find it somewhere else.
2. I don't have naked pics or vids of myself... yet. haha, just teasin'. I'm not that bored!
3. I'm an insomniac so expect that most of the updates will occur during night time or early morning.
more details will come soon... anything you want to know about me... just ask.

be nice, be naughty, be yourself. We'll get along just fine.