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June 24, 2010
There was a point in my life when i felt like loneliness is synonymous to being alone. Everytime I end up by myself, I question myself, "Am I not a fun person? Am I annoying? Am I not worthy of a companion?" There was a time in highschool when I watched a film in a moviehouse alone. I watched the film POSEIDON, a less budgeted, lamer version of Titanic. I was sitting there, enjoying the crap that is Poseidon, when I realized that I have no one to share this crappiness with. I went home feeling like the seat next to me, Empty.
Years later, I have striven to be active in different activities to keep me busy. I joined a peer facilitator's group, choir, psych group, a regional organization, etc. None the less, I got over my fear of being alone. In fact, I barely have time for myself. Even when I am alone, I know that I'm not because I'm constantly in communication with all my commitments. I used to think that surrounding me with lots of people will keep me out of my fear. It takes moments like this, walking alone in an empty hallway, to appreciate and realize what had been missing all along. I figured that the reason I was unhappy during my younger years is that I wasn't happy with myself. I was always depressed, thinking about things that were way beyond my control and I believed that I can only be happy in the presence of others. I wasn't happy, not until I have learned to accept things as way of life, that I can only control so much of it. Learning all these have made me love myself even more and I have become a more positive person.
Apparently, being an optimistic person attracts the opposite, not that I am complaining, but it made me realize that what they are going through right now was exactly where I was before, lost and unapreciative of his own being. I hope I can help them find what's missing, that certain thing that made me realize that happiness starts from within, and when you radiate happiness, it is one of the best feelings in the world.
Even in an empty hallway, crazy as it may sound, I don't feel alone anymore. In fact, I cherish this moment I have for myself and I enjoy it even more because I know that it will take a while again before I get to do this again. I am alone, but not really. I am happy.
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oh, sorry na... hindi ko kayo nabalaan na nobela nanaman itong post ko. pagbigyan niyo na ako, paminsan-minsan lang naman eh. hehe. Salamat sa lahat ng readers na patuloy na nagbabasa ng blog na to(meron pa ba? haha) at lalo na sa mga hindi nagskip-read diyan, ang tiyaga niyo talaga. hehe. at siyempre, salamat din kay pareng fiel-kun para sa award na to...
salamat parekoy. you're the beast. este, best pala.
There was a point in my life when i felt like loneliness is synonymous to being alone. Everytime I end up by myself, I question myself, "Am I not a fun person? Am I annoying? Am I not worthy of a companion?" There was a time in highschool when I watched a film in a moviehouse alone. I watched the film POSEIDON, a less budgeted, lamer version of Titanic. I was sitting there, enjoying the crap that is Poseidon, when I realized that I have no one to share this crappiness with. I went home feeling like the seat next to me, Empty.
Years later, I have striven to be active in different activities to keep me busy. I joined a peer facilitator's group, choir, psych group, a regional organization, etc. None the less, I got over my fear of being alone. In fact, I barely have time for myself. Even when I am alone, I know that I'm not because I'm constantly in communication with all my commitments. I used to think that surrounding me with lots of people will keep me out of my fear. It takes moments like this, walking alone in an empty hallway, to appreciate and realize what had been missing all along. I figured that the reason I was unhappy during my younger years is that I wasn't happy with myself. I was always depressed, thinking about things that were way beyond my control and I believed that I can only be happy in the presence of others. I wasn't happy, not until I have learned to accept things as way of life, that I can only control so much of it. Learning all these have made me love myself even more and I have become a more positive person.
Apparently, being an optimistic person attracts the opposite, not that I am complaining, but it made me realize that what they are going through right now was exactly where I was before, lost and unapreciative of his own being. I hope I can help them find what's missing, that certain thing that made me realize that happiness starts from within, and when you radiate happiness, it is one of the best feelings in the world.
Even in an empty hallway, crazy as it may sound, I don't feel alone anymore. In fact, I cherish this moment I have for myself and I enjoy it even more because I know that it will take a while again before I get to do this again. I am alone, but not really. I am happy.
____________________________
oh, sorry na... hindi ko kayo nabalaan na nobela nanaman itong post ko. pagbigyan niyo na ako, paminsan-minsan lang naman eh. hehe. Salamat sa lahat ng readers na patuloy na nagbabasa ng blog na to(meron pa ba? haha) at lalo na sa mga hindi nagskip-read diyan, ang tiyaga niyo talaga. hehe. at siyempre, salamat din kay pareng fiel-kun para sa award na to...
salamat parekoy. you're the beast. este, best pala.
welcome back parekoy...
ReplyDeleteparekoy, na-miss kita. pa-kiss nga!
ReplyDeleteemptiness is loneliness
and loneliness is cleanliness
and cleanliness is godliness
and god is empty just like me
'yan ang sabi sa kantang "zero" ng smashing pumpkins. sana ay hanggang sa second verse ka lang (o kaya naman eh wag mo na ito ma-feel) at huwag dumating sa point na makakalimutan mo na rin si Bro. wala lang, alam ko namang 'di mangyayari sa'yo yan. naalala ko lang 'yung song dahil sa post mo.
anyway, it's good to know that you are HAPPY! \m/
@mokong sobrang salamat na maram. hehe. andami nun ah :P
ReplyDelete@nobenta naks naman, na-miss din kita parekoy! sa cheeks lang ang halik ha? wahahaha. buhay pa ba ang samashing pumpkins? anyway, dapat masaya tayong lahat, lalo ka na... tatanda ka nanaman soon. wahaha. advance happy birthday sayo parekoy :P
ang drama mo parekoy, kaya napapa english ka dyan!
ReplyDeletehahaha wala ka lang kasing lovelayf parekoy!hahhaha! joke langn!
Pero ang mahalaga masaya ka naman kaya okay langn yan!
Ingat prekoy at welcome back!
Very well said.
ReplyDeleteayos ang pagbabalik!..
ReplyDeleteBusy din ako parekoy kaya d din nkapag update hays! Pero dumalaw pa rin sa iyo para ipaalaam n di ka nag iisa hehehe...
ReplyDeletemas nkikilala ko ang sarili ko pag nag-iisa ako, tulad mo marami ding mga tanong sa tuwing nag iisa na kailangang pagninilaynilayan...
At apir kasi napanood ko din ang palabas na poseidon hehehe...akala ko nga about greek myths xa hndi pala hahaha...xa parekoy busy n uli ako ingat na lang...
basta ito lang, being alone doesn't mean ur lonely...
@drake sige na. ako na ang madrama! hay naku. hehe. makahanap na nga ng lovelife para wala ka nang masabi! hahaha.
ReplyDelete@captainrunner salamat :P
@everlito hindi naman talaga ako nawala parekoy. medyo nagpahinga lang ng konti. hehe. pero salamat pa rin :P
ReplyDelete@jag pansin ko nga parekoy. masyado tayong nagiging busy lately. haaayyy... pero ikaw lang ang yumayaman. bakit ganun? haha
Hmm, maraming factor kung bakit tayo nakakaramdam ng loneliness minsan... yung sa isinulat mo ngayon, medyo magkapareho tayo ng nararamdaman... di ko talaga masasabing sobrang happy ako sa ngayon, parang may missing piece pa rin talaga na hinahanap hanap ko. Pero as you said, need lang siguro natin na maging positibo ang pananaw sa buhay and everything will follow.
ReplyDeleteAnyways, welcome back parekoy and you're very much welcome sa award XD
pers taym ko dito.
ReplyDeletepalagi akong nalulungkot kapag nag iisa. pano ba maging happy kahit alone?
@fielkun hmmm... hanap na kaya tayo ng lovelife parekoy? hahaha. para happy na tyo di ba? wahaha.
ReplyDelete@abou welcome sa aking blog :P hmmm... paano maging happy kahit alone? mahalin mo ang sarili mo and everything will follow. pakening... mmk ba ito? hahaha.