taking the leap

it's so hard making decisions, especially when given choices that can alter the course of your future. i mean, how do we even know the best one? isn't it frightening to know that one bad decision can turn the rest of your life into a living hell? of all the useless junks invented each day, why couldn't they come up with a device to help us make the best decisions? wouldn't that be just grand? well, i guess not.because then, we wouldn't have the chance to succeed or lose on our own. at the end of the day, we want ourselves to be credited for something, for anything... may it be for something that we can really be proud of or something that we can learn from. and all of these decisions come from taking the leap. a leap from uncertainty to just knowing, from hesitation to just going for it.

the leap. why is it that my tomorrow seems too far to reach? why am i afraid to take the leap? is it because the leap could as easily be a turn on the wrong direction as it can be on the right one? i guess what most people don't realize, and what i realized just now, is that we have been taking leaps all our lives. it's just a question of where to hop on next. are we going to let our past get the best of our future? or just let it all go and take the leap?


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nga pala, salamat sa lahat ng mga nagpadala na ng picture greetings para sa birthday ko. nakakatouch. sa mga hindi pa nagpapadala, take the leap(maisingit lang?) at magsend na sa jr_2pak@yahoo.com. 10-10-10 is the big day. tandaan, mamalasin ka pag di ka nagpadala... bwahaha.

photo taken from http://www.sparkplugging.com/sparkplug-ceo/taking-the-leap-from-employee-to-entrepreneur/

pangarap lang

hiling sa bituin

minsan, hindi na natin naaalala kung papaano nabubuo ang mga pangarap natin sa buhay. maaring bata ka palang ay pangarap mo ng maging doktor, piloto, sikat na artista, o kahit na lang maging kamukha ni john lloyd. masarap mangarap lalo na't libre naman, pero doble ang sakit kapag nalaman mong ang pangrap na yon ay hindi mo na maaabot pa. ang mas masakit pa dun, alam mo na ngang hindi na puwede, umaasa ka pa rin. ang mundo na ang nagdedesisyon para sayo pero ayaw mong makinig. ano pang pinagkaiba natin sa pusang naghahabol sa sinulid? habul ng habol sa isang bagay na wala namang importansya/halaga sa buhay nito. maswerte ka na kung magising ka isang araw at mauntog sa katotohanan. "it's just a thread, why do i even want it?"

Hindi lahat ng pangarap ay para sayo. maaring nakalaan ito para sa iba o may mas malaking pangarap na nakalaang matupad para sayo. tulad ko, pangarap ko dati na maging kamukha ni john lloyd. p*kening! ang binigay sa akin yung hairline niya. ayan, malapit nang mapanot! siguro talagang nakatadhana nang maging kamukha ko lang si piolo. haaay :(

photo taken from http://toki88.deviantart.com/art/Munting-Pangarap-27063371

NO. SLEEP. LIBRARY

3:00 - entered the library to take a quick nap before next class
3:10 - woke up because of the loud noise from the people fixing a table in front of me and found a girl staring intently at me. i'm sleepy. close eyes again...
3:30 - woke up because of the loud noise again. more people are staring now at the noisy people. cute girl is nowhere in sight and i decided to go for one last nap before class.
3:50 - awakened by the noise created by the table being fixed. Gosh. don't they know that loud noises and library don't go together? i stood up, grabbed my bag, and headed for next class.
3:55 - arrived early for class. i took my usual chair in the back and waited patiently. i noticed the "staring girl" from the library is in the same class and is now approaching me... she stared, smiled, and whispered, "buti hindi ka pinagalitan... ang ingay mo kanina eh."

--- i realized that i snore when i sleep, and that those stares were probably for my noise and not the table-fixing guys. aargh... note to self: no more sleeping in the library!
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grabe, napahiya ako dun... you know what would make me feel better? pag nakatanggap ako ng picture greetings mula sa inyo(hindi ako kasing galing sumegue ni idol pagdating dito. hehe). malapit na kaya i-send niyo na lahat sa jr_2pak@yahoo.com... tandaan, 21st birthday ko kaya walang balahuraan! nyahaha. salamat sa mga nagpadala na :P

image taken from http://www.cartoonstock.com/
directory/p/public_library.asp

a trip down memory lane

nakaka-pagod maglinis ng kuwarto! it took me the whole day para lang magmukhang disente ulit at kaiga-igaya ang kuwartong ito. haay.. atleast hindi na siya mukhang gubat. medyo na-sorpresa nga ako sa dami ng mga gamit at basurang nakatambak sa mga sulok... ngayon napapa-isip ako kung papaano akong nakatagal ng ganito sa kuwartong ito. sobrang linis na ng kuwarto ko, nakaka-panibago. normally, hindi naman talaga ako mahilig mag-linis ng kuwarto.. it's just that i felt like i needed to do this to sink my teeth on the reality that i am moving back in really soon... para hindi na ako mag-dalawang isip! haha.

anyway... hindi lang naman ako basta naglinis. it was actually an interesting experience because it gave me the chance to reminisce about the ancient days. for example, i found these recognition cards and medals that i got when i was a lot younger. wow... nakakatuwa naman. most cheerful. most responsible. most helpful. poetry writing champion. math olympics champion. kung iisa-isahan ko lahat, parang nakakalula. it was great seeing all these achievements from my childhood pero parang napa-isip din ako.. nasaan na kaya yung batang yun? yung batang puno ng abisyon, ng pangarap. masaya kaya siya si kinahinatnan ng buhay niya ngayon? kapag nakaharap ko kaya siya, sasabihin ba niyang "good job?" haayy... ang daming what ifs. i don't know. i'm not sure anymore. that kid is long gone... nothing but a distant memory.


i found my old guitar. naalala ko tuloy when i was in high school. i so wanted a guitar of my own and when my mom finally gave in, i made sure that i had the coolest, most expensive acoustic guitar i could find. i used to love playing this thing. everyday akong nagpa-praktis nuon para lang matugtog yung paborito kung kanta na "more than words." haayyy... it's been a long time. i got so busy na nakalimutan ko ang passion ko sa pagtugtog at pagkanta. nung mahawakan ko ulit ang gitara, i was surprised kasi marunong pa pala ako. tama nga ang sabi nila, para lang daw pag-ba-bike yan na kapag natuto ka na ay hindi mo na makakalimutan kung papaano gawin. so, kung may magrerequest, game ako kahit anong kanta!
ps. leaving on a jetplane, crazy for you, jeepney, at your love na lang ang kaya kung tugtugin ng buo kaya dun lang kayo pumili ok? hahaha.


ang pinakanagustuhan ko sa mga lahat ng mga nahalungkat ko ngayon ay ang mga sulat. yup... i have always loved receiving letters from family and friends at ngayong nabasa ko ulit, parang bumalik ulit yung mga alaala nung natanggap ko yung mga yun. tulad nung isang letter na galing dun sa kaibigan ko. may nakasulat na lyrics ng isang cheesy na kanta at cheesy rin na mensahe. it reminded me na once in my life, i was a mushy kind of guy! haha. too bad konti na lang ang sumusulat ngayon... wait... it gave me an idea. next time na manliligaw ako, idadaan ko sa sulat! haha. i find it romantic, don't you?


hindi ko talaga alam kung saan patungo tong post ko. i'm not thinking very clearly right now... all i know is that i have to capture this feeling that i'm experiencing right now. a sense of comfort, of familiarity, of home. it's been a long time since i have felt this way... i guess all i had to do was clean up my closet, keep the things that made me believe, and throw away the things that made me doubtful. if only life is always this easy...

reality vs. fantasy

madalas natatanong natin kung bakit tayo dumaranas ng hirap sa buhay. sometimes, it seems unfair na parang lahat ng bigat sa mundo ay nasa balikat mo. you try to walk past all of the hardships but everytime that you do, the world finds a way to knock you down even harder. but you know what? that's ok. because without suffering, there would be no compassion... and all those pains are the things that keep us different from others. it's what makes us human. so everytime you feel more pain than others, that's ok 'cause it only means that you are more human than everyone else.

and one more thing, endings aren't always bad because they serve as beginnings for new opportunities... so new opportunities, here i come , ' )
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nakakatakot yung twist ng story

so far, i have read 6 sidney sheldon books. two of them even gave me an excuse to use my library card. haha. i don't know what these books have on me but everytime i read 'em, i feel like no one could touch me. it's just me and those books. do you have that too? things that hypnotizes and sucks you in... transports you back to those times when the rest of the world didn't matter? for me, i have Archie comics, FRIENDS series, and my books. they take me to a different state of happiness that it makes me wish that i could stay there a bit longer. just a bit... and then I'd wake up and realize that reality is so much better. may internet sa reality eh.

photos taken from http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/43326.Tell_Me_Your_Dreams and
http://www.google.com.ph/search?hl=tl&q=world+on+shoulders+pictures&aq
=f&aqi=&aql=&oq=&gs_rfai=

nightcrawler turns 1

exactly one year ago, pinasok ko ang mundo ng pagba-blog. i wasn't expecting anything really, and if you were with me from the very beginning or masipag kang mag-backread ng mga posts, i'm sure you know that my alter-ego was born out of boredom, angst, insomnia, and a great deal of binge-eating. one year later, well, i'm still writing about all those things... only, now i write out of wanting and not needing. i have always known that i loved writing, but i didn't realize that it can save me from total insanity and destruction that i brought upon myself. for that and so many other things, i thank

God for showing me the light in the darkness and that there is life after "almost" death(i'll have to explain this on another post)
mom, for pushing me to my limits and for the unconditional love and support, sometimes to an amount that i didn't even know was humanly possible.
my sister, for the love and care that you try to hide but comes bursting out instead.
my friends, who wouldn't give up on me and stuck it out with me during the worst time of my life. you guys are for keeps.
at sa mga kaibigan at idol ko sa mundo ng pagba-blog, for keeping me inspired and constantly reminding me how good it feels to write about things that matter to me.

i know it sounds corny but that's who i am... a corny guy with a laptop and internet connection. and i bet you are too... otherwise hindi mo masisikmura ang mga pinagsususulat ko dito. haha.

ps. i just realized na late ng isang araw itong post ko dahil september 5 ang anniversary ng blog ko. haay... nga pala, my 21st birthday is fast approaching. to those who want to celebrate it with me, pwede kayong magpadala ng picture greetings sa jr_2pak@yahoo.com on or before october 9... come on, make me smile on my special day. pretty please? with ice cream on top?
, ' )