The Plan

I've been obsessing over perks of being a wallflower- the movie. At first, I didn't want to see it because it got a lot of positive reviews and that can be a downer when you actually see that the movie is just all hype *cough* Avatar *cough*. This is not a review of the film by the way, but if it was, I'd give the film a solid A for great casting, perfect mood, and brilliant direction- I was told that the director and the guy who wrote the book was one man so no wonder. 

One of the lines that really got me is this... "We accept the love we think we deserve." I know a lot of people think that every movie as about them but in that moment, in that very scene, I thought the movie is speaking to me. I am that somebody who thinks he is never good enough for anybody... no matter how well I did at school, no matter how many people I helped, and no matter how hard I've tried to be the best version of myself. I was never enough. My confidence is really just a way of deceiving people... to mask my insecurities.

At the end of the film, Charlie found inner peace by being honest and facing the reality that life is never perfect... that there are certain things in life that are out of our control and that failing to acknowledge them don't make them unreal. I know that these words don't make a lot of sense right now but this post is mainly just for me. I know I'll reach that point. I would love to look back at this post 5 years from now and smile. By that time, this guy wouldn't be contented in being just a wallflower. I would have found my inner peace and finally be able to accept the love I know I deserve. That's the plan.

I made it.

This is the reason why I've been missing in action for the past few months. It wasn't the easiest time of my life but definitely the most rewarding. If I were to be honest with myself, I never needed that diploma to reassure myself of my brilliance(yabang lang). All that hard work is for my mom. She has dedicated her life trying to make sure that my future is well-taken cared of. This is the very least that I can do to show my appreciation and love for my mom. Thank you for believing in me when many didn't. Thank you for being strong when I was weak. Thank you for your unwavering support despite my wrong decisions. Most of all, thank you for my brand new Samsung Galaxy Note II. Haha. 

So the question now is where do I go from here?  I've been weighing my options: 1) I've been asked to apply as an English teacher; 2) Finally start on business with my cousin; 3) Continue with my online jobs; 4) Apply for a big multimedia company; 5) All of the above? Honestly, I'd rather have this problem of choosing than not having options at all. Maswerte ako. I know.

Uunahan ko na kayo. Kasalanan ng Thesis kung bakit lalo akong lumobo at lalong napapanot. Well, my 1.25 grade more than made up for that. So s*ck it online friends. hahaha.