Teacher Diaries: Stress

I don't accept late papers.

I know that I'm a good teacher and I love what I do but sometimes, i find myself in a dark place and I just don't care. Parang ngayon. I arrived 25 minutes late to a class i haven't attended for two consecutive meetings. I know. I know. Bad. And it's not as if they are bad kids(i feel so old). They are actually doing okay and continuously improving... that is after i failed most of them in their prelims. Haha. 

The problem is that I feel that teachers are under appreciated by the admin. We don't have faculty room. We need to pay for our parking spaces on a daily basis. We have to do extra work for our superiors that are not part of our job description. We have to deal with colleagues who have bigger egos than their actual intellect. Frustrating. So why come to work? "Sir pasok na kayo. Namimiss na namin lectures(pagpapahirap) niyo." Haha. Certainly we don't get appreciation from our superiors but when appreciation comes from your students, albeit some are messages of sipsip proportions, you get up and go to work. I know I'm new to this and my experiences so far are nothing to what other teachers have had to deal with but at this point, I now have a minute understanding why teachers always complain about how they are treated... and why despite of that, we choose to stay.

Kids

I was having a discussion with my students in a park when some kids caught our attention. It was about lunch time and they were carrying a plastic bag full of rice and vegetables. This scenario may seem ordinary at first as many would have picnics in parks and street children would often go to places like these in the hopes of getting people to take pity on them and give money or food. What struck me is when a boy who i presume as the leader of the group divided the food equally and called in the rest of the kids yelling, "kain na. Wag mag-agawan. Parehas lahat yan." He even gave out a portion of his food when his friend pleaded for more. I hate that  these kids have had to experience this kind of hardship but I love the fact that despite their situation wherein greed could take over their innocence, they were able to learn the value of sharing.

In a time when greed seems to be all over the place, it's nice to know that children with pretty much nothing are willing to give what little they have in the spirit of kindness and brotherhood. This is one of those times when i wish that more adults would act more like children. 

The Wedding [Summer 2013 Part1]

Well obviously it's not my wedding. Wish ko lang. Wala pa akong ipapakain kung sakali. Haha. Remember years back when I said I'd get these guys back together?

This summer, I did just that.

Kuya Limwell, Kuya Francis, Allan, Me

 Well... Hindi naman talaga ako ang nag-organize. It was kuya Limwell's wedding. We knew it was coming for a long time now but when we were actually on the ceremony, it felt kinda surreal. Reasons?

1. Si kuya Limwell ang isa sa mga "liberated" na lalaking nakilala ko. He is by no means a slut pero he had that aura that seemed allergic to marriage.

I guess ate Me-Ann has the cure.

2. He is still young. Before he graduated college, he was talking about how he would build his career and how sure he is that he'd make it big on whatever career path he's about to take. I never imagined that what would come first is a big family. Yup. Ate Me-Ann is now pregnant.

3. He is just 2 years older than me. It just reminded me how old we were getting. Hindi naman ako natatakot tumanda. Nakakatakot lang tumandang mag-isa.

I'm so proud of Kuya Limwell for how much he has evolved. 

Siyempre, that wedding wasn't only for the groom and bride. Did i mention that the wedding was located in Baler? So... 

It was officially my first big trip after my graduation. 

It was a three-day trip and I spent 24 hours para lang sa biyahe. Ang layo pala talaga ng Dagupan sa Baler. Since busy masyado si kuya Limwell para sa preparations ng wedding, kami nina Allan and Kuya Francis ang talagang nakapagbonding.

Ano pa nga ba ang gagawin namin kundi lumamon!!!

 Pinakamaraming balik sa buffet!

 Pinakamahinang kumain!

Pinakamasarap ang kain!

We've been to three all-you-can-eat buffets and 6 restaurants sa halos dalawang araw naming paglilibot sa baler. Ang nakakatawa lang, hindi kami masyado nakapunta sa mga must-sees sa lugar. Di bale, kuya Limwell offered to tour us again another time kaya doon na lang kami babawi. 

Bago kami umuwi, bumili muna kami ng souvenirs. These items are a bit pricey pero mas okay naman daw ang quality kaya ayos na rin.

Pagkauwi ko ng bahay, ang sakit: ng buong katawan at ng butas na bulsa. This is one of my best trips so far... not only because of the place but mainly because of the people I have shared this experience with. 

Kausap ko lang si Allan last week. Sabi niya bilib siya sa akin kasi I find ways to stay in touch with everybody. Sabi ko hindi naman lahat... just those people who are for keeps.    

Career

I'm tired and so happy at the same time. I just finished hosting pre-pageant of Mr. And Ms. BCI at Robinson's mall Calasiao. Made the bosses happy, which made me happy.

My training as a masscomm graduate definitely helped me. Pumalakpak lang ang tenga ko when the president of BCI Philippines expressed his satisfaction over my hosting skills. Got 2 hosting gigs after the event. 

On my last entry, I was wondering which career should I pursue. I'm still on the process of figuring it out. For now, I'd have to settle for something I never thought I really wanted until my first day. It's not hosting. I am now a teacher. Crazy. Got lots of stories to tell. Full of MMK material. Haha. Ready? 

The Plan

I've been obsessing over perks of being a wallflower- the movie. At first, I didn't want to see it because it got a lot of positive reviews and that can be a downer when you actually see that the movie is just all hype *cough* Avatar *cough*. This is not a review of the film by the way, but if it was, I'd give the film a solid A for great casting, perfect mood, and brilliant direction- I was told that the director and the guy who wrote the book was one man so no wonder. 

One of the lines that really got me is this... "We accept the love we think we deserve." I know a lot of people think that every movie as about them but in that moment, in that very scene, I thought the movie is speaking to me. I am that somebody who thinks he is never good enough for anybody... no matter how well I did at school, no matter how many people I helped, and no matter how hard I've tried to be the best version of myself. I was never enough. My confidence is really just a way of deceiving people... to mask my insecurities.

At the end of the film, Charlie found inner peace by being honest and facing the reality that life is never perfect... that there are certain things in life that are out of our control and that failing to acknowledge them don't make them unreal. I know that these words don't make a lot of sense right now but this post is mainly just for me. I know I'll reach that point. I would love to look back at this post 5 years from now and smile. By that time, this guy wouldn't be contented in being just a wallflower. I would have found my inner peace and finally be able to accept the love I know I deserve. That's the plan.

I made it.

This is the reason why I've been missing in action for the past few months. It wasn't the easiest time of my life but definitely the most rewarding. If I were to be honest with myself, I never needed that diploma to reassure myself of my brilliance(yabang lang). All that hard work is for my mom. She has dedicated her life trying to make sure that my future is well-taken cared of. This is the very least that I can do to show my appreciation and love for my mom. Thank you for believing in me when many didn't. Thank you for being strong when I was weak. Thank you for your unwavering support despite my wrong decisions. Most of all, thank you for my brand new Samsung Galaxy Note II. Haha. 

So the question now is where do I go from here?  I've been weighing my options: 1) I've been asked to apply as an English teacher; 2) Finally start on business with my cousin; 3) Continue with my online jobs; 4) Apply for a big multimedia company; 5) All of the above? Honestly, I'd rather have this problem of choosing than not having options at all. Maswerte ako. I know.

Uunahan ko na kayo. Kasalanan ng Thesis kung bakit lalo akong lumobo at lalong napapanot. Well, my 1.25 grade more than made up for that. So s*ck it online friends. hahaha.

Nganga

Happy New Year sa lahat. Heto nanaman ako, parang singaw. Lilitaw na lang bigla ng walang pasabi. haha. Anyway, kasisimula pa lang ng taon, inatake nanaman ako... ng katamaran.

1. Nag-umpisa ako mag-jogging last sunday para mabawasan ang fats sa katawan. By Tuesday night, wala na. Sabi nila kasi pwedeng mag cheat day, a.k.a. kumain ng marami, kung special occasions like birthdays. Marami akong kilala. Ika-limang araw pa lang ng diet, dalawa na ang kilala kong nagbirthday. Kumusta naman yun? Magbabawas na talaga ako... ng kaibigan! bwahaha.
2. I decided to use the journal na isa sa mga iniregalo sa akin last Christmas. First time to use it today. I have listed 5 important things to do... wala pang nagagawa kahit isa. Inuna ko pa magblog. Procrastination is the devil.
3. Thesis. Graduation Application. OJT. Nganga. Gagraduate nga ba ako?

Bawasan ang negative thoughts. Think positive. Andami kong nabinbing plano. Tatapusin ko lahat yun para makagawa na ako ng mga susunod na plano. Ang astig pa naman ng mga naiisip kong gawin para sa taong ito. Excited na ako.

Sa lahat ng naka-miss, I miss you too. Isang malaking mwaaaaah! Ayos.